@itsgiving.pod

What are your thoughts!? 💭 @It’s Giving

When people are. Are up front, I can respect a man that comes to me and expresses the desires of his heart. Now what will I do with that? I don't know. But to be honest, there are a lot of women that stick around while their men do whatever they wanna do. And to be honest, it has nothing to do with the woman. I think women need to take the pressure off of themselves if their man is a cheater, because some men are just cheaters. So. Okay, so how about this? This kind of goes into the conversation about how the man was like, I don't wanna. He's like, if I be honest with you. Cause you know how women be like, well, men should just be honest on whether men just wanna have sex, if they just wanna a purely sexual relationship or not. And he was like, why would I be honest? Because if I be honest, then I don't get what I want. So I pretend to be who you want me to be so I can still get what I want and still be able to dip out. Like, it was crazy because Buddy was like out of shape. Like he wasn't like. He literally looks like a nice guy and like it. It. We. That's a thing. Like, people will play the role for so long just to get what they want. And I don't feel like that's talked about enough.

What are your thoughts!? 💭 @It’s Giving

The question, the question is, would I date someone that's been, that is incarcerated, let's say is and or has been is, is a hell to the no. Why? I don't have to, right? Okay. Why would I? That's absolutely no has been possibility. That would be a pot, I, that's a possible, you know, in the future, I don't think anyone should be like, oh, you went to prison. Because a lot of people were wrongfully charged too, right? A lot of people were wrongfully put in prison and a lot of people learn skills. The question is, how long has he been out and what fruit is he now bearing? And I'm not just talking about financially, I'm talking about mindset, I'm talking about proximity, I'm talking about safety, you know, what is it, what is that look like for you? How do you measure proximity? Cause proximity is about measurement, correct? Well, yes. Just who are you around and who's around you? I wouldn't be with a man that sits on the porch every weekend and smokes and drinks with all the boys. And I, I, I personally wouldn't do that. Now the caveat to that is I love a game night, but I don't like smoke, so I wouldn't, I, I wouldn't, I wouldn't want that in my, in my, in my personal experience.

What are your thoughts!? 💭 @It’s Giving

There's only one woman that he's supposed to get sex from. And you know that men are super sexually driven. And then you take away the sexual aspect of your relationship. You've literally handed him the keys to someone else's door. You told them, go do it. I wouldn't advise that. I don't think that that's smart. Yeah, I rather have angry sex than you play with me. Yeah, I don't think that that's very wise. I think that you should have the hard conversations. Okay, I'm complete. I think single moms are raising daughters to be so hard that men don't want them. And I think they're raising sons to be so soft that women don't want them. And so now we have a. A cycle of kids where nobody wants to date each other because nothing feels real. And I think it goes back to being responsible with our bodies. If we would stop getting pregnant by bums that we don't like, if we would stop getting pregnant by Ray Ray and. And Pookie down the street, everything would change. I really, in my heart of hearts, believe that if we would take responsibility, we could better raise children.

What are your thoughts!? 💭 @It’s Giving

Women talk about how men have no leadership. Then close your legs. You're creating them. When there is no father in the household, often times men don't have leadership unless they go and seek someone to teach them how to have leadership. How can you practice abstinence when. When you had sex before? Like, why do you. Why do people wanna jump to abstinence? How do you do it? You stop having sex. How do you do it? You psych yourself out so that you, no matter what it is, you get to decide so that you wouldn't even want to have sex. Some people I've seen in movies, women, they wear granny panties. If you think things are gonna get too big, you got holy, nasty looking period panties on. And that's not what you wanna be seen in. And that's gonna be the way that you trick yourself into keeping a man from taking your pants off. Great. Do that. Some women have said, and a Nissan has said, don't shave. If that works for you, that works for you. If it's been, um, you know, for men, if it's that you have a curfew where you have to be inside, you just have to be disciplined in whatever you're disciplined in. How do you do anything? By doing it. And then over time, you get good at it. And don't expect yourself to go zero to 100

What are your thoughts!? 💭 @It’s Giving

Women now are in survival so bad, they're so deep inside of their masculine that now they're teaching their daughters that they don't need men because of their own wounds and trauma. And imagine being so hard to be a man. Imagine being so hurt and wounded that you now have oppressed upon your daughter that she shouldn't even want the thing that she's naturally drawn to. That she should fight that urge and do it all by herself. I don't know if y'all have heard, but it's really hard to do it by yourself. Anything. Try to do anything. That's why they say it takes a village. Mhm. So I think we need women to start taking responsibility for our bodies so that we're not just out here birthing children that we can't raise in a way where they get the dichotomy of both the masculine and the feminine in the home. They get to learn the polarities and how important they are. When a man gets to discipline his son, a woman does too. But we do it different. My dad whooped us. My mom got a spoon and she slapped us right here in the same spot on our wrist. And it did not seem as bad of a punishment as when dad got it.

What are your thoughts!? 💭 @It’s Giving

What do you think of a temporary long distance relationship? Are you for it or against it? I think it's fine. I think long distance is a beautiful thing because it gives you the opportunity to really get to know someone without the complication of sex emotions. I think that long distance, especially if it's temporary like that, could really be ideal for real. Now, if your love language is quality time or physical touch, that might be a little touch and go. You're really gonna have to regulate your own emotions, and that's for the man and the woman. But ultimately, long distance forces you to get to know person without the gestures. Why do women want a man like their father when their father isn't a good example of what a man should look like? I don't. I don't know. I think either you gravitate to what you're used to or what you saw, or you sprint in the opposite direction. That's what I think. I think something either teaches you how to be great at something or you replicate that something. Do you get comfortable in it? Do you believe Brock? Does Brock remind you of your father? In so many different ways? Absolutely. Can you explain what ways to help the people in the back? Oh, he's so direct.

What are your thoughts!? 💭 @It’s Giving

A roster should be the amount of people that you are getting to know. Friends without benefits. These are people. Do I even like you? Are we fun to hang around? Is this a good vibe? Is this good energy? That's what it should be. So if you can juggle five minute at a time, I mean, hopefully you start weaning some of them off, but sometimes it gets like that. So can you give an example how to properly move through a roster? I don't understand the question. What do you mean? Like give an example of how a woman should move through her roster? Like how often? Like how much time should be should she give to the men that's in her roster? Like, how should she navigate her roster? I think within three to five dates, you know if you are even slightly interested in someone or not. MMM. And within 3 to 5 dates you should not have sex at all. 0% negative. When that person is exclusive to you, do whatever you wanna do. But I do not think that you should put yourself on the roster of a man that is sleeping with multiple women. I think that that is a mistake waiting to happen. So let me ask you this. While you're making the man wait. Mhm. Are you playing it cool or are you also in anticipation for sex? Depends on the man.

What are your thoughts!? 💭 @It’s Giving

It's crazy how many stories and how many DMs I have different men that are talking about different women that have a air mattress in her house. Yeah, and that's it. Yeah. And you gotta tell me about the. I'm telling you is. But vice versa. You know that. That line that Drake dropped? I had a ex that heard that song and we talked later and she was so scared I was gonna send her that, like, cause I'm that kind of person. I'll send you music that I feel. What is the. What's the line? But the line is, how do I expect somebody that has never had their own place to know their damn place? Ooh, ooh, that's a bar. Ooh! I say that all women have forgotten their place, you feel me? And it's probably cause they're sleeping on an air mattress. No shade. Why? You know. Wow. What's wrong with sleeping on the air mattress, Sarah? Nothing's wrong with sleeping on an air mattress. But when you sleep on an air mattress, don't expect a dinner at Marcel. If you're sleeping on an air mattress, you really need to be focusing on yourself. Correct. Or you need to be focused on how to get roommates. You need to be setting yourself up more powerfully so that you can operate from want instead of need, so that you can get into your feminine and out of survival.

What are your thoughts!? 💭 @It’s Giving

If she's tired, maybe you can outsource a cleaner from freaking the internet that you find. It'll cost you $50, right? Get somebody in there for two hours. I don't even need you to clean the whole house. $50? Come in here, do this. She doesn't have to clean the kitchen, she doesn't have to clean the bathroom. You can do that once a week. $200 a month. And it is vastly going to change the way that your wife looks at you if she is tired, overwhelmed and exhausted. Mmm. Now, that also being said, women, one of the things my mother has always said. If that man taps on your shoulder, roll over. Cause if you are not giving him sex, there's only but so long he will hold out. Even a good man, there's only but so long he will hold out. And I'm not talking about if you're holding out because you just had a baby, or you're holding out because you just had a surgery, or you're sick. If you are a healthy person and you are holding out on your husband, you are essentially handing him the keys to somebody else's door. Don't do it. Have the hard conversation. Be willing to do the work so that you don't get to a space where you want to withhold. Now, I'm not saying that withholding might not happen every so often.

What are your thoughts!? 💭 @It’s Giving

What should a good man do when the wife withholds intimacy? Ooh, somebody needs to get a hold of your wife, and they need to have a real conversation with her. Because if you're a good man, you can find another good woman. And I think one of the dumbest things a woman can do is withhold intimacy. I get it. You're overwhelmed, you're tired. All of these things. So this is what I would say to that man if she's withholding intimacy. Do you have children? Does she do all the house chores? Do you guys split the rent? Let's. Let's have a real conversation. Okay? Most times, women are reflecting the energy that they feel inside of the house, and then they amplify what they are feeling inside of the house. And so I say that to say, if this woman feels run down, raggedy, tired, and she's withholding intimacy, my question is, why? Is it because of, like, questionable cheating stuff, or is it because she's tired and she's exhausted and she needs help? Now, if it is the latter, she's tired, she's exhausted, and she needs help, and that's why she's withholding intimacy. I would say, men, men, men, men, men, men! You wanna know how to change the entire energy of your household in as little as 30 sec

What are your thoughts!? 💭 @It’s Giving

Do you believe that people should ask hard questions on the first date? I do. What is a hard question in your mind? One of my first questions when I'm getting to know someone. Probably by the end of the conversation or somewhere in there, I'm going to say, are you marriage minded? Like, not are you trying to marry me, but, like, you see, marriage for yourself? Absolutely. Now, do I think, am I diving straight into, like, credit score? No, my diving into your income. I have a good idea probably already. Why I can't find out what he do for a living. Why. Why he take me out on a date? That's weird. Why does that matter? How do y'all meet? Does it matter? It can be. It can be anywhere. How do you meet? I don't know where that. That matters. Did I meet you at the grocery store? Did I meet you at a restaurant? Did I meet you at the gym? Did I meet you at the strip club? Did I meet you at the club? Club. Did I meet you? Let's see. Let's say I meet you. I meet you at the gym. I don't think I. This is the thing. I think because men are really sensitive about money conversations, you just have to be mindful. Like, are you asking because you're genuinely interested in what that person does and what that looks like? Or you could even just say, like, what Do your days consist of. You don't have to say. What do you do for work? What do your days consist of? You know, what are you into?

What are your thoughts!? 💭 @It’s Giving

If your girl is withholding intimacy for whatever reason, but let's say that it's because she's exhausted. She's tired and she's overwhelmed. I want you to go to your girl and say, baby, I'm sorry for X, y, Z. I know you're tired. You've been doing your best. That's not what I want. And then whatever it is, after you tell her that you're sorry, I'm here. What can I do to help? Solution Finder. We're gonna find the solution. And after she tells you, she's probably gonna go off. If she's been withholding sex, she probably has some resentment, some non expressed expectations, some lacking communication. She's probably gonna go off, which is gonna make you want to be triggered. Do not get defensive. Do not get triggered. Just hear what she says and say, okay, I'm sorry. After which point, grab her and hold her against your chest. Kiss her on her forehead, whatever it may be. And then do the solution. I can guarantee you. What? Like I'm. I'm gonna 80% guarantee. If you acknowledge how she feels, if you provide her with a solution and you give her connection, he is firing on all cylinders to be happier. You might get some that night. Maybe not. Might get some after you provided the solution.

What are your thoughts!? 💭 @It’s Giving

If people ever saw my husband out with a female, I know about it. Hell, I might have chose her. That's crazy. I'm so serious. I just feel like our line of communication is so direct and so open. Why would you start lying now? Now? Second chances. As in if your business fails and you're not making any money, of course that's a second chance. For sure. I just. I think that there are much worse ways in relationships to betray your partner. So is. Does he get a second chance if he cheats or not? It was a mistake. It was drunk. It was a strip club. You know them. I think I'm too crazy. I think I'm too crazy. I don't think. I think you're avoiding the question. No, I'm not. You just gotta read between the lines. I hear you. You gonna. Brock knows. You gonna spaz on everything? No. And anything. It's not even a spaz. But what after? What about after that? I'm going to do all that. No, it's not about the girl. That girl's gonna live probably a great life. I'm going to prison for life. I'm. You say know you're crazy. That's fair. I, I know. I know the crazy I chose. He knows the crazy he chose.

What are your thoughts!? 💭 @It’s Giving

I don't know anyone that's not in survival that's sleeping on an air mattress. I don't know anyone. That's a fact. Point Blank, period. I don't know anyone. There's nothing wrong with anything if that's the season that you're in in your life. There's nothing wrong with that either. But it's a season of survival. And I don't think that people should be seriously even trying to date in a season of survival. But then I guess also that would make sense why the prostitution area is so strong. Because that's a way of survival. I mean, rent's 30, five hundred dollars. Like, they gotta do something. Yeah. Yeah, rent is expensive. It's a very real thing. Rent is expensive these days. It's nuts. It's. It's. It's actually pretty lateral to L A, which is crazy. Like, Atlanta is getting up there. What do you. Oh, it is. And Connecticut. New York too. It was cheaper when I first moved here. Definitely getting up there. Okay, someone just said, do you believe in second chances or do you believe in forgiveness? But it's a one and done. Um, are we talking about second chances after cheating? Let's say that, yeah. Brock get a second chance cause you don't believe in divorce. So he got one, you got a couple. I just feel like it wouldn't be a second chance cause I would already know. If Brock ever steps out in this marriage, I promise you. We made an arrangement.

What are your thoughts!? 💭 @It’s Giving

This is the problem in relationships. I think people's egos are way too big that we think because you don't wanna do it my way, you're wrong. No, the truth is, you might not be wrong. Right. Like, as an example, let's say I wanna breastfeed, he wants. Let's say I wanna use formula, he thinks I need to breastfeed. Right. Stupid argument, but let's just use that for this case. I wanna use formula so that I can sleep some nights out of the night. I don't always have to pump. You also can make a bottle and give it to baby, right? For him, he's like, I want the nutrients for our kid from breast milk. We need it. Whatever. Now, if I passionately feel one way and I am producing milk and he passionately feels the other way, where do you go from there? What do you do when you're stalemated in a relationship? I think that's the question. That's who is worth the winters you are guaranteed to go through. Yeah, but then where. Where's the real line? For me personally, ultimately, I trust the lead of my husband. So if I was like formula, I won't like it, but the truth is, breast milk is better. Mhm. So, okay, fine, I will breast milk for six months and no longer. You know, you figure out the compromise inside of it. But that's the thing. If you take ego out of it and you just look At the facts. Where do you go from there

What are your thoughts!? 💭 @It’s Giving

If your partner walks in the room, look up at them, even if it's just to be like, hi. Okay, back to it. That little bid for attention or that little acknowledgement of that person goes so much further than we could possibly imagine. Like, if someone is bidding for attention, notice it. You won't notice it if you're not aware of it. If you. If you're not aware of it, how do you learn it? Read about it, watch about it, go on YouTube. There's so many different ways to learn. So it doesn't have to be about what your parents taught you. Because as my mother says, at the age of 22, if you do not have perfect upbringing, if you didn't have the perfect parents, there's too many resources for us to be successful. Can you name those books again? Um, attached. The way of the Superior Man by David Datta and John. Well, you could just look up the Gotman Institute, or you could look up. It's called blink. That's how I Learned about John Gottman, because in this book called blink, I think it's called blink. For, like, half of a chapter, he talked about John Gottman, and he talked about the Four Horsemen, which is like, whether you are contemptuous, whether you Stonewall, whether you're defensive, whether you're deflective, whether you criticize.

What are your thoughts!? 💭 @It’s Giving

If you are trying to learn yourself and how you love, I think the attachment styles, the book is called Attached, Right? Whether you are an anxiously avoidant person, you're an avoidant, you're an anxious, or you're a secure attachment style. Because you might not even know. Like, why do you keep chasing after these men, chasing after these men, chasing after these men. And you feel like you're in this vicious loop or people are just leaving you all the time. This is all. It all goes back to trauma, right? So it can help you identify where and why you are the way that you are. So if you didn't see it, the movies are fake. Learn about it. Go on YouTube. Another incredible resource is the Gotman Institute, right? Started by, uh, John Gotman, who has. Has taught people up to the 90th percentile. He can tell whether a relationship will end within however long, whether it be one year, five years, seven years, even up to 30 years. Cause they still have these things, these, um. What are they called when you opt into them, these. These essentially tests going, um. Where he's able to say whether relationship will end or will succeed, right? It's. It's so easy.

What are your thoughts!? 💭 @It’s Giving

Think about it. Like when you really like somebody and you're really vibing with somebody, and they start creeping into your thoughts and you don't even want them to creep into your thoughts. It comes a time when you're like, okay, let me just. Let me message this person real quick. Like, oh, I didn't even want anything. I even do this with my friends where I'll just check in and be like, hey, I'm thinking of you. I miss you. You're. Whatever. Whatever, whatever, whatever. Fill in blank here. Didn't want anything. That's all. Carry on. End of. I send that message. I don't even care if they respond to me. If you never seen your parents happy in a relationship, what are things you should do to build yourself up to finding healthy relationship? Read books, go to seminars, go to retreats, take courses. A really phenomenal book for men and for women. For women that wanna understand the men and men that wanna understand women. The Way of the Superior Man by David Datta will change your life. It helps you to understand at least better understand masculinity and femininity. I think it is one of the best articulated ways that I have under come to understand masculinity and femininity.

What are your thoughts!? 💭 @It’s Giving

A lot of women will be like, I need the good morning text. Why? It doesn't mean anything. It's just a habit. Yeah, but in the same way that that's just a habit, let's say I am the person, the man. I'm texting all the time, checking on you throughout the day. I'm working, I'm busy. It would feel nice for you, you to feel like you check on me. And I think after a while, after feeling like you're not checking on me, uh, you start to, uh, keep track. You know what I mean? Yeah. I think. I think you should reciprocate in relationships, period. I think we've turned relationships and dating into this, like, game of like, I have to wait three days until X, y, Z. I have to wait six days until x, y, z. I have to wait until he text me in order to text him. No, because a grown up is like, if you are thinking of me, text me. Mmm. Period, actually. So then to answer the question, uh, Aneesa, say a question again. I think he's like, what should I do if I feel like she's not texting me back? Like I'm the only one, I'm the only one initiating. Mhm. Then she's probably not interested in you. For real.

What are your thoughts!? 💭 @It’s Giving

Who are you choosing that's gonna lock in with you? And I think that we as women have to start thinking about that instead of looking at what can you do for me with your wallet? Cause wallet isn't enough. It's just not. It's arrogant to think that money is enough. And for men. I hope that you guys know it's arrogant to think that money is enough for a real woman, for a high value feminine woman, it's not enough. I just think people need to stop playing games. That's what I think. I don't think it matters who texts who first. I think if you're thinking about that person, message them. I think if you want to see that person, tell them. I think if you're really vibing with that person, it's okay. I think when you start. Well, there's two. There's two parts of this, right when you start acting like a Labrador, which is like, oh my god, oh my god, let me see you, how are you? Oh my god, guy or girl is not good for you. So I think there is a level of stray cat that you have to be. Stray cat or house cat are very much like, yes, you feed me, you love me, you can touch me, but also now I'm going to do my own thing and leave me alone and then come back because I'm ready for some love and I wanna say hello. And then, oh, No. No, I'm done with you. I don't wanna see you. Like, there is a level of have so many great things going on in your life that you're not waiting to even see if this person texts you first.